I've had an idea throughout to put me somewhere in the picture, observing me in the scene, as it were. Like Alfred Hitchcock, to have a bit-part in my own production.
Or maybe to imagine me as I might be in five years. Hmm...
Everyone in the background looks preoccupied with something. Colin and Mr James, the men in the foreground, occupy their own private worlds.
Today I was talking with my mum about the Taylor Wessing photographic portrait exhibition at the National Portrait Gallery.
Certain pictures were easy to relate to – for example, a picture of young men having their hair cut in halls of residence.
Some of the pictures didn't mean so much to me, because I couldn't figure out what the photogapher was thinking. I couldn't put the picture in any meaningful context. Sometimes I like to look at the picture without having to read about it in order to understand what it's about.
This applies to paintings, too. For example, the paintings of Leonardo, or the paintings of Vermeer. It's hard for me to connect with some of them. I suppose it is interesting for a painter at that time to be painting someone ordinary doing something routine (eg, a woman pouring milk) but when I look at it, I find myself looking more at how the painting is painted, rather than spending time considering the subject.
I don't find that I'm as interested in the woman, or her expression, as perhaps I should be. This is my fault, I know. I guess that it is important to put things in context and that life is richer as a result. Yeah yeah.
Maybe I should turn this attitude on myself.
I want people to understand that I am trying to convey a message about the nature of commuting. But if my picture survived for a few hundred years (I'm not for a moment thinking that it will, I'm just following a line of thought) then people wouldn't get the picture at all, I suppose. It wouldn't mean anything to them unless they understood what it meant to be a commuter, at the time. Or could be bothered to find out.
Some of these things will have to take care of themselves. I think the important thing, for me, is to paint well – and to put across the feelings of these people, and my feelings towards them, as best I can.
